Books with author Helen Johnson

This little book will save your life one day.This little book is a small collection of funny thoughts, amusing anecdotes, and telling quotes about Woman, or to be more specific, the subject is this: Man's Superiority to Woman.(To the politically correct girly men reading this: You read it correctly: S-U-P-E-R-I-O-R-I-T-Y)I know what you are thinking. You are asking yourself: How can a little book of amusing anecdotes and funny thoughts and so on and so forth about man’s superiority to woman save my life?Answer: It will save your life the same way that it saved mine.One day, not that long ago, a certain lady whose name I choose to forget, was driving me insane … making me angry and furious and pissy too … well, then, what did I do? Did I kick her in the butt, good and hard? Did I slap her in the face? Did I … do her great violence?Did I end up in jail doing 20 to life?No!Instead of doing great violence, instead of ruining my life, I picked up this little book that I had just finished writing. I read several of the anecdotes and quotes in this book. It made me laugh. It cooled me off.I survived to live another day.One day, dear sir, you too will be driven to near insanity by a woman of the female sex! Your wife! Or your mom! Or you sister, or whatever! Don’t off the biatch! Don’t slap her! Don’t kick her! Don’t rip her pretty little head from her shoulders! Don’t do it, dude!Pick up this book instead. Read a few of the quotes and anecdotes in this book.It will make you laugh. It will make you think. It will make you say, “Yes, sir, it’s true. Man is better than woman!” And you will feel better.It will save your life.Okay?You may thank me now.— H.H. JOHNSON

(91,000 words)Parkingdom is the first instalment in a humorous and witty fantasy adventure trilogy, about a group of gnomes trying to survive in a human world. Suitable for children and adults of all ages.PARKINGDOMA Secret World Parkingdom is home to a hidden society of tiny gnomes whose whole world resides inside the tall walls of a vast London inner-city park, watched over by their Watcher from a large billboard. Unexpectedly, a few weeks ago, she disappeared along with all the noisy humans. A MissionFisher and Bel have been sent away by the city elders to the Great Green Gates, to the Wardens Office, to find out why. It's a perilous journey through the deserted human section of the park and across the uncharted Wild Lands. Soon they find themselves travel companions with a witch’s ferret and a scrawny long toothed rat, and befriended by a strange little green snotling that knows a startling secret.HopeUpon returning they discover their city under the control of a hostile neighbouring city’s army. Has their Watcher deserted them in their time of greatest need? Will the elders understand their Watcher’s cryptic message? Moreover, will they – along with their rebellious elders – be able to do anything to save their family and friends?Join Fisher and Bel as they embark upon an adventure that will change their small world forever.

This book is for children aged between ten and thirteen years old though if you're a little younger or a little older and you'd still like to give it a go why not! It's about a boy called Jacob and although things start out nice and sweet things turn a little bit eery, you might think what on earth's going on here?? Your mind will open up and your imagination will run into overdrive as the story of what's in store for us all unfolds! Don't give up you might need this one day, this is only the beginning!